Why do I always sleep with guys without sleeping with guys?!?!

Well... Jew has been gone now for 5 days and I've been dealing with this weather alone. I never thought I'd actually miss her but I do. She's away on va-kay with fam and hopefully she'll be returning today. Without her, I have to wake up in the morning to an actual alarm clock and not the sound of her motherly voice proclaiming, "Irish get your ass in the shower!"

The first three nights Jew was gone I found boys to sleep next to instead of returning to my BK apartment solo. There's nothing worse then coming home drunk and having no one even drunker then you are to share the events of the evening with.

Saturday morning I woke up in Weehawken because I accidentally went home with one of Bert's frat bros from college... whoops. Ok Bert thinks of me as a sister but after years I'm starting to realize that doesn't always mean his college buds think of me that way too. Anyways, when I find myself in this situation (as in accidently ending up in the bed of one of Bert's friends) it always seems to end the same way... I wake up and the friend is BEGGING me not tell Bert.

I guess Bert is a little overprotective but the truth is I wouldn't want him to know that I went home with one of his scumbag friends anyways. We didn't sleep together but we did have the most God awful makeout session in the morning. Let's just say this guy was pretty much the WORST kisser ever. Usually, when faced with a bad kisser I take the lead and teach the guy a lesson or two. It was IMPOSSIBLE with this guy I mean like IMPOSSIBLE. Ugh. When his cell phone went off I kindly suggestly that maybe he should answer it.

Sunday morning I took a downgrade and woke up on the floor of an apartment in the Bronx. Yes, that's right The Bronx. Apparently after a few bottles of wine in Brooklyn I thought it was totally a great idea to take the 1 train allllllll the way uptown to see one of my good guy buds from college... a good guy bud that I've been flirting with for years that just so happens to be recently single. We slept on the floor together of his friends apartment... but luckily I was way to tired from my 4 hour journey home from Weehawken earlier that day to even care. Really you could have stuck me on a bench in Grand Central and I would have been fine with that.

Monday morning I woke up with a serious Super Bowl hangover in Ernie's bed. I didn't really watch the game or even the commercials because I was playing beer bitch to a group of my guy friends... really that is the key to their hearts. Feed them, get them booze and pretend you like football... suddenly you are "such a catch". Yea such a catch that would never date any of you.

All went well except that Ernie's sister cornered me to tell me how both her and her mother think that Ernie and I should really be together... apparently Ernie's mom is planning our wedding and naming our children. I was so disturbed that I made myself fall asleep before I could participate in the routine hook up action that Ernie and I usual let go down when we're trashed.

So what I learned this weekend is that yes, I am a spooning whore...

~Irish